I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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