i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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