The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
