So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
