Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
