Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
