she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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