hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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