i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
