so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
