You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
