3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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