Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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