Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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