Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
