I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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