I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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