My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
