I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
