note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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