just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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