oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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