I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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