if i can run in heels then i can drive
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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