I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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