my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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