I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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