he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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