come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
how does that bad decision feel?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
