Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
