The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
