Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
