well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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