Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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