you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
