How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize