I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My ATM looks so different sober.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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