He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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