physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
