It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
