I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
