so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
