In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
