Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
