Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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