you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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