Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
