So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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