mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my being single is dangerous.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
