I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
