i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
