I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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