me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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