I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We talked him into tasing himself.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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