Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize