Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
