I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you had me at cake vodka
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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