i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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