Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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