He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
