your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
