I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
