I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
