I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
