We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
