True but thats because hes a fetus.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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