When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
