i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
