you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
