oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
