If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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