You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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