i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
